My First Mistake with Online Dating
Published on May 15, 2024
My first big mistake dating online was not signing up at all. It took me a full year of being lonely before I even signed up for a service to check things out. Even then, I didn’t subscribe! I just looked around. Eventually, I did subscribe as I began to realize that the best way to stay single was to make no real effort at all. Thinking about dating will not solve your problems. Mr. or Ms. Right is not going to come knocking on your door (well, normally they won’t). You need to make yourself available!
The second mistake I made was assuming that any dating service would do. I was very stubborn on this one. I signed up for one service and stuck with it for months, convinced that if it wasn’t working there was something wrong with me. Eventually, I abandoned that service and tried eHarmony and it was so much better for my situation! But, I fell back into my old habits and started thinking if eHarmony wasn’t working for me then there must be something wrong with me. Eventually I tried Match.com and it was even better for my situation. This service eventually led me to meeting my wife. Now I’m not saying that Match.com is the best dating service but for my personal situation it absolutely was and only by trying these different services was I able to discover that.
How Serious Are You About Finding a Relationship?
You need to answer this question right now. In all honesty, how serious are you about finding a great relationship? If it is important to you then I have a challenge for you which I will lay out below. In the rest of this guide, I will be assuming you have taken these steps.
1. Make a Commitment to Yourself
Make a serious commitment right now on how long you’re going to put some real effort into dating online. It can be any length of time that you feel you would be able to complete. Online dating takes time and patience so think about this commitment and take it seriously. Committing to six months is a good place to start but make sure you can stick with whatever you decide on.
2. Sign up at OKCupid (or the most popular free dating site at the time you are reading this)
The next steps are all about getting you to stand by your commitment. First, if you don’t have one, create an account at OKCupid. The service is free and you should be taking advantage of it even if you are using other dating services. If you are currently using Plenty of Fish and think that they are the same, I personally prefer OKCupid – but even using both would work.
3. Create an Account at Match.com
If you don’t have a Match.com account I recommend signing up now. It is not important that you become a subscriber; free membership is all you will need for now. It is only important that you find out what the service has to offer and use its free features. A big problem is that many of us sign one dating service, perhaps one that we see an advertisement for, and then stop. This is NOT a good way to pick a dating service. You need to try different services to see what they are all about, even if you never subscribe.
Note: Readers should pick a popular service in their area (which very well may not be Match.com). For example, in the U.K. you might want to try a different service. The point here isn’t that everyone should try Match or that they should avoid Match. The point is that if you are starting to date online you should check out several of the most populated services that are available to you. These services have become popular for a reason!
4. Create an Account at eHarmony
Another dating service?! Yes, another one. eHarmony and Match are very different in how they work. We shop around for everything in our life and the dating service you pick shouldn’t be any different (this decision could potentially alter your life forever, after all). We often spend more time in the McDonald’s line picking our lunch than we do a decision like an online dating service. If you’ve not caught on yet, I think you need to take online dating even more seriously than you do your Big Mac.
Again, there is no need to pay for the service. The point is to get a feel for what it has to offer. Be warned that signing up at eHarmony is something of a hassle because of the time it takes but it will be well worth it in the end. Better to spend thirty-minutes now signing up than finding out six months from now you wish you had been using this service all along.
Note: Again, readers should be selecting an option that works for them and that are popular, which may or may not be eHarmony as time goes by.
5. Consider Swipe Right Options
When this guide was first written, options like Tinder didn’t exist. I have no experience with them at all so I can’t offer good advice here. Second hand, most of the mobile options sound more like meeting someone at a bar to hookup more than they sound like apps to build long-term relationships. Still, the age of this guide shouldn’t restrict you from trying the newest options – especially if they are popular.
If you’re already doing these things, that’s great! You’re ahead of the curve. Obviously, no one has to follow this advice but as someone who made the mistakes, I can’t recommend enough that these be your first steps into the world of online dating. If you really want success, you don’t want to miss out on meeting someone just because you were unwilling to plan on how you were going to tackle this problem! Finally, for any readers that are not taking this seriously: if you continue to put off the decision to actually try a dating service, you will never have success (at least not online). All the guides in the world won’t ever do you any good unless you are willing to move the process forward.
Author: Brad
Brad initially struggled with online dating but over time became quite successful using it. He met his wife using online dating and has been giving advice and helping people improve their results since 2007. He has written a Free Online Dating Guide to help others find success with online dating. You can learn more about his personal experience using online dating and running this website here.
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