Off The Market
Published on May 13, 2018
After all your fruitless searches you finally found the perfect match. It’s taken months or maybe even years to find them but you did it. Now it’s time to take yourself off the market. Online dating…that tool you’ve learned to love then hate and now love again has finally delivered! Or at least, that’s what’s now has happened to me and I couldn’t be happier.
So happiness is here and the future is bright…unless you forget to take down your profile! Keeping a profile up after you are in a committed relationship is a surefire way to lose your happiness. I hear horror stories all the time from women that think they found the perfect guy but check the website they met them on to find out he’s still very active. Why anyone would do this is beyond me. Stringing a person along because you think you can find someone better is just immoral in my opinion. Going back to something I’ve said many times in the past be honest. Honesty conquers all.
The Long Road
It’s taken me almost a year to find that special someone and now it’s time for me to take down my profile. I see this as a part of arriving at the “destination” I’ve been working toward. I think the main thing you need to be careful of is to not fall in love with the search. As much as most of us hate the process of dating online, there’s also something exciting and attractive about the idea of going on first dates and meeting new people. Keep in mind, when you commit to someone you should really mean it. Don’t tell a woman you’re going to date her exclusively if you can’t take your profile down.
I’ve heard some guys say that just want to look…that’s no reason to leave your profile up and honestly it’s not a healthy use of your time if you’re telling someone you’re committing to her. I’ve even heard of guys say that they like to chat with girls because it makes them feel good but that’s even worse! Even if you never meet someone, it will send a horrible message. And guys: women have learned to check to see if their guy is leaving his profile up so don’t be dumb just when you’ve found success.
Knowing when the right time to delete your profile is a personal thing, but I think it’s pretty easy to tell when you’re in a committed relationship You’ll have to decide for yourself when it’s the right time to move forward for your situation. I’d say if you’ve been dating for a solid two to three months and things are going well then take down your profile. That seems like more than enough time to me to really commit yourself to give someone a chance.
Now, none of this means you have to be committing to marriage or anything like that. And with that in mind, you don’t have to delete your profile if you don’t want to. Instead, you can hide it. The point isn’t that you should delete all your old matches and communication. The point is that you should take yourself off the market and hiding your profile will be an effective way to do this. That way if things don’t work out you can just unhide the profile and continue the search.
I’m happy with the person that I’m seeing and I want to show her that I only want to be with her. So, I’m taking down my profile and canceling my subscription. Now the real adventure begins.
So what are relationships made of? Communication is the number one thing in a relationship to keep you together. Open communication and compromise are what keeps things on the right track.
One thing related to this: be sure to check and make sure that you’re not signed up for an automatic renewal on any dating sites. No reason to pay for the service if you’re not going to be using it! Unfortunately, online dating service don’t give you money back for the time you didn’t use. This normally means that if the renewal transaction goes through for 3 months or 6 months, or however long, you will pay for all of that time up front. Depending on your online dating service and the amount of time you signed up for originally, that could be over $100 for a service you’re not going to use at all!
Moving from Dating to Relationship
It can be tricky moving from dating to relationship. A big reason is that for the last year when things went poorly it just meant I never saw the woman again! Now, that’s no longer a good approach. Communication is going to be key when you get to this stage, even though you may disagree on things. Finding compromise really helps and continuing a commitment to honesty is critical. If you lie or tell half-truths (which can sometimes be worse) or even hide things, then it will only make things more challenging. Being open and honest is the best approach to everything and it will help build trust as you start committing to a new relationship. I can’t stress that enough. I think sometimes we hold back showing who we really are in a new relationship but I’d encourage you to try to be open so you don’t end up lying about who you are for years to come!
Things are going well for the woman I am dating and myself. We are taking things slow and building a solid relationship from friendship first which is important to me. I’ve had some hurtful relationships that weren’t built up in this way and I want to avoid that from ever happening again. Building up from a friendship builds trust and a solid foundation for the relationship. And the word building might make it sound like work, and I guess it sometimes is, but it’s actually a very enjoyable process and I’m happy to be building!
Looking back on all the time that I have spent searching for that right partner, I don’t regret any of it because it was all a learning experience. No matter how long it takes you. You will find someone that is right for you so don’t give up hope. And you might put in longer than I did finding someone, but look at that investment of time as motivation to do things right when you do finally find that person you want to stop online dating for.
My Path to Success
Why was I successful? If I had to pick one word it would be commitment. When I write my posts, it may seem like everything is going great but there were so many ups and downs in this process. I think more than any one thing, it was committing to continuing to try even when things got hard. Especially when things got hard.
Being in a relationship takes commitment just like it does when you’re online dating. In my opinion, it takes more: with online dating, you are just committing time for yourself. Now when in a relationship, your decisions and commitment affect two people. And there will be new commitments that weren’t there while you were searching. Buying flowers are nice and some people like the jest but it’s the small things like doing the dishes that get you the brownie points.
Some people might want to know how I was able to have success with online dating and I have to give credit where credit is due. I used Brad’s online dating guide for help. To me, this is a complete guide to online dating that I was able to use from start to end. It covers setting up your profile to tips for first dates and much more. Looking back, I’m really glad that the guide warns of the struggle that we’re going to go through. I think admitting it’s going to be hard at the beginning make the setbacks more bearable. So will you have the same success I did? There are no guarantees, but if you follow the guide you will have the knowledge to handle online dating with confidence.
Moving forward from online dating leaves one feeling a sense of accomplishment. I’m speaking for myself when I say this. It was all worth the time and the effort to get to this point. No matter what site you use it’s how you use it that matters. I know people that have had success from free sites and people who have had success with paid sites. I know people who gained confidence dating using online dating sites which enabled them to meet someone at the bar. Regardless of the method, it’s all a win and something to be proud of if you’ve put in the effort.
I’m now one of the lucky ones and can say I have a significant other, but it took time and effort on my part to get here. I will put in just as much effort into maintaining a healthy relationship as I did finding the one I have now.
As I mention before taking your time and easing into the relationship as friends first is a good policy. This also works for the physical aspect of the relationship. Being intimate with someone is a precious thing and I suggest waiting to make the ultimate commitment. Sealing the deal doesn’t mean “giving it up” on the first date, and if that’s what you are into there are sites for that…but will that really lead to a great relationship? Possibly on occasion but generally I think not. If you are looking for the real thing it takes more time. Personally, I wait two to three months to get to know the person. That’s just my personal idea of the time that it takes to understand the other person and make a deeper connection. Feeling completely comfortable with someone just takes time for some of us. I would say use your own best judgment but better safe than sorry.
Be Kind to Yourself
I feel a bit hesitant talking about my success because I know some people are quick to beat themselves up about online dating. For some people, seeing someone else have success with online dating is an opportunity for them to beat themselves up. Please don’t do this! For the past year, I was in your shoes and it’s not a competition or something where you should get down on your own success. If you’re one of these people and prone to be hard on yourself, I’d ask that you not look at my success and an opportunity to think about yourself negatively. Instead, see it as a reminder that online dating can work even though sometimes it feels hopeless. Use it as motivation, not a way to be hard on yourself.
Final Thoughts
All in all, this has been a great experience for me. I’ve learned things about myself that I didn’t really know before. By being honest about myself and what I want from a relationship. I’ve come to understand the type of person that I click with. You will find many different individuals with online dating. Some will delight you others may repulse you but it’s all apart of the journey. Finding that special someone takes time and be prepared for that.
I plan to continue to write articles here and try to help others with what I’ve learned even though for me my online dating is now done.
Author: mike
Mike is returning to online dating after being away from dating for many years. While not an "expert", Mike brings a real view of the challenges of online dating and his opinions in dealing with those challenges.
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