When to Get Their Phone Number
Published on October 22, 2015
When we meet someone online and are heading towards a first date, it is natural to think about moving communications over to a more personal platform. It creates a greater sense of familiarity to speak with someone through our direct lines, such as e-mail, text, Skype, or phone calls, than it does to remain connected solely through an online dating website.
Making the decision of what type of communication to transition over towards may be used to the advantage of deepening connection. Can you remember the last time someone you liked asked for your phone number or e-mail? It is a display of interest, which feels flattering! It also feels exciting because it is a definite progression in the relationship, showing that things could be leading somewhere. Dating involves appealing to one another’s emotions, so remember what it feels to have someone take the lead and show their interest. You can use this memory to motivate yourself to make initiations – such as asking to text – and thereby impacting someone else in the same positive ways.
Whether or not you are initiating this transition, mindfully deciding on a platform can maintain your own personal comfort. This level of comfort will change in tandem with the stage of your budding relationship, and the important part is that you maintain an awareness of your comfort and honor it.
Let’s compare the pros of exchanging e-mails, phone numbers, and Skype usernames if you have met someone online but have not yet met in person:
1) E-mailing carries a degree of distance, which may feel safer and more casual. Messages are more likely to be a paragraph or two and therefore go into greater depths.
2) Texting is casual and has an added dimension of instant contact. Messages are more likely to be shorter and allow for a fast, flowing conversation, which may provide a comfort in knowing you two can at least share a decent conversation in real-time.
3) Calling and using Skype are highly personal and may provide the greatest comfort that this person is who they say they are. Of course, truly knowing someone takes time, but at least you have the option to hear their voice and see their face before agreeing to meet them offline. For those of you who are nervous about meeting a stranger, this may be a useful method for you.
Exchanging contact information before meeting someone is not always necessary. Some people prefer to figure out if there is a compatibility in person before bothering with opening up their personal digital sphere. On the other hand, it does provide a sense of security and courtesy to be able to exchange a message if someone is unexpectedly late to the first date. It may also represent a commitment to the date since a certain investment has already gone into the connection.
In the case that you have already gone on a date and hit it off, the best thing to do is to begin communicating outside of the online dating website. These sites are a tool to create connections but are not meant to be relied upon after dating has actually begun. After a first date, you are no longer “online dating†but rather you are dating the good ol’ fashioned way: face to face. Additionally, if you continue to speak over the dating website then it is assumed you and your date are still looking for other people to date. This is not necessarily a negative thing, but it is not desirable for everyone. Welcome in the sense that the Internet is (hopefully!) no longer the sole and dominating field of communication in your fresh courtship. It is time to move towards learning about this new person face to face and to welcome them into your personal life, which includes your intimate digital sphere.
Author: Stephanie
Stephanie Arnold is a writer, visual artist and composer who seeks to unveil the working structures of the human psyche. She works to share valuable insights that stem from personal experience and assist in the development of deeper levels of self-awareness, especially in regards to a sincere and healthy relationship to love and loving. The core of her philosophy is that self-love is the root of loving outwardly, and is therefore necessary to develop if one wishes to create fruitful relationships with others. Her evolving portfolio may be found at www.lovefromwithin.org.
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