Looking for a Girlfriend? Don’t Ignore Online Dating

Published on September 26, 2010

Photo by John Pastorello
Single and tired of it? Has the process of looking for a girlfriend been working poorly? This site is devoted to encouraging and advising on online dating so it’s no surprise that I would suggest you give it a try if you haven’t.

Some men I talk to, especially those in their early 20s, all but refuse to consider online dating. Today I wanted to offer my view on using online dating for those guys who might fall into that category.

Avoiding Online Dating (and Why You Shouldn’t)

When I started this blog a few years ago, many people were outright against online dating for many different reasons. In a few short years though, we’ve seen online dating gain unprecedented acceptance.

In part, I suspect this is because people are become more comfortable with the idea of meeting singles online. I think it also has to do with the fact that we’re doing everything online today: from catching up with old high school friends, to managing our calendars, to planning our weddings…the list seems to have no end.

Photo by AIM Neutron
Still, many people still avoid online dating. As I mentioned above, this seems to be particularly true (surprisingly) with some younger people. It seems to me that many young singles (normally from what I see those in their early 20s) appear to despise the idea of online dating. I think is in part because many of these people have so many options available to them and they see having to resort to online dating as some type of failure.

In a few years when these same people suddenly find themselves in fewer situations with other singles, online dating suddenly appears more attractive. That’s fine and if you’re going to parties with friends and meeting lots of women that’s great! But for many of us, even when we are in our early 20s, that’s just not the case.

I mention this because many people for many different reasons find a way to convince themselves that online dating isn’t for them. If you’re looking to find a girlfriend but at the same time come up with reasons why you shouldn’t try every option available to you, you’re only hurting yourself.

Online Dating Doesn’t Mean You Are Failing
Many people avoid online dating because they see it as some type of failure to meet people the “normal” way. I disagree with this. Many men are looking for a girlfriend and when they are not using online dating they can pretend that they are happy to be single. However, if they start dating online, there’s no pretending! Here’s the thing: in either case you a feeling exactly the same thing and attempting to accomplish the same goal.

Admitting that you are not happy being single is not a “failure”. And even if it were, in my opinion it is better to admit what you want if it will improve your chances than to pretend you want something else only to continue to struggle.

Why I Believe In Online Dating

You can read just about any page on this site and get reasons for why I believe in online dating but let me provide some specifics here:

I Have Seen Online Dating Work for Myself
As I talk about on this site, online dating worked great for me. It is the motivation behind running this website and it is the reason I’m in such a great marriage now. Perhaps I got lucky, though? Maybe I’m one of the only few who had success. I think most people know this isn’t true but I do have real examples of other people having success online…

I Have Seen Online Dating Work for My Friends
I also had the benefit of going to a friend’s wedding this winter. She was unhappily single and started dating online after I had challenged her to give me a good reason why she wasn’t dating online already. I would like to offer you the same challenge: if you are unhappily single, can you give me a good reason to not try online dating?

I Have Seen Online Dating Work for My Readers
You’ve probably noticed I encourage people to download my online dating guide at this site. When they download my online dating guide, they are also subscribing to my online dating newsletter where I send additional advice and online dating news. I bring this up because these subscribers can unsubscribe any time they want to. More than a few people, when they unsubscribe, mention when they unsubscribe that they’ve “found that special someone”. I would like to think this is because I offer great dating advice but the truth is I think it has more to do with the fact that if people who date online and are committed to it, they will often have success. It seems almost weekly that I am seeing messages like this and I think it’s great and it is further proof to me that online dating does work.

Why Someday This Article Should Be Worthless

I have some younger siblings and they can’t remember a day when there was no Facebook or Google. Their entire lives they’ve been using IM or texting on their phones. Likewise, they’ve never known a world where there wasn’t online dating and as this next generation grows older, online dating is only going to become more popular. I believe that someday convincing some guys to try online dating (like I’m doing here) will no longer be required: no one will think twice about it.

New Services Are Coming Out Every Day

I hope if you’ve been on the fence about online dating but now are considering it having reading this. You may not know where to start but honestly starting anywhere is better than not trying at all. Still, I’ll list some options here.

Services like eHarmony, Match.com and Chemistry.com are becoming more popular every day for good reason. These are some of the most popular services and you can read details on how each of these services works at the following posts:

• eHarmony: This is perhaps the most popular service which is based on matching singles on their personality. I’ve written the following post on how eHarmony works.
• Match.com: Another very popular service. This service gives singles more control over who they contact although the matching system is limited compared to eHarmony. I’ve also written a post for how Match.com works.
• Chemistry: On the surface, Chemistry.com looks very similar to eHarmony but in my mind it is more a mix of eHarmony and Match.com when looking at how it works. For more, read my Chemistry.com review and you may also be interested in my thoughts on eHarmony vs Chemistry.

Having gotten some examples of the “big” services out of the way, there are new dating services coming out every day and more and more ways to find a girlfriend:

• OKCupid: This service is entirely free. Also, in my opinion (and unlike many other free services) OKCupid actually gives its users a good chance to have success.
• MeetMOI: This service is a proximity-base dating service that gives you the opportunity to find other single close to use with an app on your cell phone. You can read more details on this service here.
• Hello Jackie Joe: This is a new dating service that allows you to date online with your friends. See more details on this service here.
• Facebook: Of all the options, I think this one has the least chance to lead you to success. Still, marking yourself as single and looking for a relationship won’t hurt.

---

I’ve only listed a very few of the options available today. I discuss many other services in my online dating guide. My opinion is that if you don’t want to be alone but you are not trying all the options available to you, you’re only hurting your cause.

The eharmony Difference? Deep compatibility! Try it Today!

Posted in: