Spooky online Dating
Published on October 29, 2018
I was never one to believe in superstition…like black cats or walking under ladders or other activities that would somehow bring one bad luck.
What in the world does bad luck have to do with online dating? Well, having bad luck with online dating happens more often than not. Sometimes we bring it upon ourselves while other times people bring it to us. Having bad luck with online dating can be as simple as having a profile that is not up to snuff but not being able to recognize it. Your profile is what attracts the right or wrong person and often, from our perspective everything is fine, while in reality it may be attracting the wrong people. One way to avoid attracting the wrong person is to really have a plan with what your profile will look like and what it will ask for. Sometimes, what looks like being unlucky in love is more about not thinking things through.
So sometimes we bring the bad luck to ourselves by not having enough intentionality. But sometimes the bad luck comes to you through no fault of your own. You may meet someone that you think is the perfect match and then…boom! They do something to dash that image you have of them. In recent times I heard a story that made national news: a man that would meet women for a meal and he would order an extravagant meal. Then he would excuse himself to the bathroom and would duck out on the bill! What a slime ball. Things like this happening only make it harder for people who are really looking for love. And this is a clear example of the women doing nothing wrong…just the “bad luck” of going on a date with this jerk.
Avoiding Choices that Bring More “Bad Luck”
Our choices as we date online do impact how good or bad things can go. Some decisions can lead to more first dates while other decisions can end up putting ourselves at risk.
The easiest place to start is here: we should all be careful what information we provide when it comes to online dating and be diligent to never giving too many details. There comes a point where some details just aren’t necessary, especially for early stages of the online dating conversations. Always try to ask yourself: does giving this information add to process? Sure, you need to share personal details about yourself in online dating, but there are plenty of personal details that don’t contribute to anything. For example, your home address is a personal detail, but that detail wouldn’t impact if someone wants to date you or not. So, don’t give out that piece of information!
A second easy tip to follow: always meeting in a public place. It seems like people have gotten better about this but it’s still worth saying. Sometimes a woman will feel like she has a real connection with a man and he’ll want to meet at his place for the first date. It can be tough to refuse the suggestion because the woman feels strongly about the man, but the refusal should still happen. Also, for the first date, having a backup plan is another good rule to date by. I have never had a so-called “nightmare date” or even an unlucky date, but I still plan in this way. I’ve had dates where the chemistry just wasn’t there but nothing I would call scary. Maybe I have been lucky or maybe it has something to do with my gender or maybe it has to do with how I go about meeting women and taking my time. Regardless, in my opinion, it’s harder for a woman when it comes to online dating since they have to endure a lot of the jerks out there and deal with risks that a guy doesn’t have to think about. As men, we don’t often receive inappropriate mail or deal with being treated like a sex object or have to worry about being physically assaulted…so I think everyone should play it safe, but women should be especially diligent.
More Ideas on Staying Safe
Again, sometimes bad luck is more about bad decisions. Here are some more thoughts on answering the question: “What can we do to keep ourselves safe with online dating?”
- As mentioned before, keeping your personal information personal and keeping the first meeting in public place is your best bet.
- Try meeting for the first time in the daytime, over something small like coffee.
- It’s often best to talk for a while before you meet someone. Get to know them a little before the first date. However, this isn’t always required if there are reasons to meet quickly, just be extra careful if meeting quickly.
- Having a backup plan if the date goes south is always a good rule of thumb. The easiest way to do this is to plan up front and tell your date you can only meet for 30 minutes or an hour, even if you could do longer.
- Never meet someone asking for money. It just feels too risky. Plus, even if things are fine and their nice, they may still be motivated to meet you for money in the future as opposed to a relationship in the future!
- Finally, I would say follow the other simple rules laid out in Brad’s online dating guide here on this website.
Keeping safe in today’s world is a hard thing. I was watching TV the other night and saw that a woman was almost abducted by what she thought was the uber driver she ordered. Turns out it was the same type of car but not her driver and things almost went very wrong for her. She had to jump for the car in order to get away! So, we shouldn’t look at this situation and say that no one should ever use Uber or Lyft. Instead, just like with online dating, we need to ask what steps we could take to use the service but stay safe. In this example, the experts said you should always check the license plate and make sure it’s the right car before getting into it. Seems obvious, but in the moment, I think many of us don’t do that.
I was talking with a friend of mine that had a date set up from OKCupid. He told her to meet him at a Starbucks that was brand new. The problem came when she couldn’t find the location on Google maps. When that happened, she declined to meet him. I believe she was being safe, and so did he. He never ended up meeting with her, but I completely understand her point of view. Better safe than sorry. There is nothing wrong with my friend, she was just being safe.
So how do you know when someone is a safe bet? That’s the trick: there’s no real way to know that unless you know their friends, family, and life story. And even then sometimes we have nasty surprises! The truth is it’s hard to tell sometimes, but for me, I rely on following good steps that protect myself and, beyond that, trusting my gut. If my gut is telling something is wrong, then there probably is. In today’s world, one has to be careful – it’s just a plain fact of life nowadays. Too many nuts out there. Fake profiles, fake photos, and fake people. Don’t get me wrong. There are a lot of good people as well. I guess I’m just writing this article to remind everyone that it pays to be careful and bad luck is some.
Not New, but Worth Repeating
I’m not telling anyone anything new. Then again maybe I am. All I want is people to be safe when they go online to date. Knowing what to look for and how to avoid pitfalls is half the battle when it comes to online dating. I still have trouble believing that some can get duped into sending money to a person across the country. Most times to someone they never even met. I mean how does this happen? That’s scary to me.
I think what people should do is arm themselves with some knowledge about how online dating works, and what to look out for. After all, this is not only an emotional investment but also a financial investment. If you are reading this article, then hopefully you are one of the people who take online dating seriously and wants to know as much as you can to have a good outcome. Plus, I like the saying, “The harder you work, the luckier you get”. Putting in some work can help avoid the “bad luck” of bad dates.
This is a great blog with detailed information on how to build a profile and what watch out for in the online dating world. So, I tell you friends there is nothing to be afraid of if you have the right ammo. Stay positive and have fun with the experience. Try not to let small set back get you down. If you really do your homework and invest your time, there is no reason you won’t have success with online dating. Plus, the more you put into yourself the better your return. After a while, things become less scary and become more fun.
Thanks for reading and I hope you have success with your online dating adventures.
Author: mike
Mike is returning to online dating after being away from dating for many years. While not an "expert", Mike brings a real view of the challenges of online dating and his opinions in dealing with those challenges.
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