Transitioning From Online to Offline

Published on October 8, 2015

There are a series of steps for successful online dating that guides you from point A, which is to identify that you are ready for a relationship, to point Z, which is the enjoyment of the many benefits of a healthy and loving partnership. There are a whole array of reflections and actions to be taken between these two ends of the dating spectrum and this article is going to highlight and unravel one very important point of the journey; when you have begun connecting with individuals online and are considering moving your interactions offline.

The question arises: How long should two people entertain a written correspondence before meeting in person?

My answer is to meet sooner rather than later.

The more time you spend developing a relationship with someone online, the more you will be building expectations of who this person is and how you two connect. People may appear one way online, such as emotionally mature, clear minded and quick witted, but it must be taken into account that writing with someone includes a significant time delay between receiving and sending messages. In this pocket of silent space, there is the time for people to experience their initial reactions to what has been said, to digest new information being shared, and to piece together a collected response intended to have a positive impact on the other person. All very well. However, engaging in real-time is the reality of conversing with someone face to face. It is not uncommon to meet someone online, develop one impression of their conversation style, appearance, and qualities, and then come to discover this depiction is far from the realities of their presence. Where they appeared relaxed and open through writing, they may showcase body language that sends out quite a different message.

The longer you spend conversing with someone online, the more you are investing in this other person. If you spend weeks or months getting to know one another online, you are giving a lot of yourself to someone that may or may not truly vibe well with you. This is quite a gamble, as meeting in person is a defining moment in your shared chemistry. It would be unfortunate to develop a connection only to discover that while you hit it off in writing, you feel like complete strangers when meeting for the first time. Let us recall that online dating is a tool. It is a platform to create connections but it is not intended to be the sole means of developing that connection.

Let’s say that you have sent a few messages back and forth and feel an interest in meeting. Some people like to include an extra step between writing and face-to-face conversation and a good bridge to consider is speaking on the phone or making a Skype call. This type of bridge may provide a greater sense of security and safety around the other person. If this is a step that you believe you would benefit from then honour that feeling! If you do not feel it is necessary for your personal process, then skip it, but if the other person proposes this idea to you, respecting their process is not only important but will be a demonstration of your good character. This is attractive!

When you meet someone in person, you gain a sense of their character and presence that the internet can simply not provide. It is best to invest yourself in meeting the physical embodiment of this other individual rather than the digitized version of them. After all, if your intention is to find a partner, it is best that you do not hum and haw over letting that process unfold. No potential relationship will flourish if you cannot bring yourself to engage with them in person, such as over a coffee or a walk.

Remember:

•  Allow a few messages to be exchanged to gain a sense of your personal interest in meeting. If you find you do not feel particularly interested in their messages, it is a good idea to be honest about this and move on with your search. If you respond positively to these initial messages, this is a sign that meeting is a logical next step.
• A phone call or Skype conversation may be used to gently bridge your written correspondence to an in-person meet up. This may help with feelings of personal safety and create a sense that when you meet in person you are not complete strangers. After all, you have already heard one another’s voice and have spoken in real time.
• To create a relationship out of an online connection, you will have to meet sooner or later. It is best to do this sooner rather than later because a deeper truth of your chemistry is always revealed upon meeting.
• Developing a connection online for too long will build expectations and a potentially false sense of connection. Therefore, do not invest yourself too much in someone through online correspondences.

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Author: Stephanie

Stephanie Arnold is a writer, visual artist and composer who seeks to unveil the working structures of the human psyche. She works to share valuable insights that stem from personal experience and assist in the development of deeper levels of self-awareness, especially in regards to a sincere and healthy relationship to love and loving. The core of her philosophy is that self-love is the root of loving outwardly, and is therefore necessary to develop if one wishes to create fruitful relationships with others. Her evolving portfolio may be found at www.lovefromwithin.org.

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