Should Online Dating Come Naturally?
Published on January 23, 2012
I recently had a reader contact me to let me know that he was giving up on trying to use online dating. He listed several things that bothered him but a big part of his argument was this:
Online dating should come naturally and if it doesn’t come naturally for me, then I guess I shouldn’t be using it. Online dating is hard and that’s a problem…right?
I think the idea that online dating should come easy is a common misperception. It’s easy to see why people would think online dating would be easy: log into a website with thousands of singles looking to date – how hard could it be? The thing is, there’s a lot that isn’t natural to us about online dating.
Why Online Dating Doesn’t Feel Natural
I think if we break online dating down into some of the parts that make it up, you’ll see why I don’t think online dating should feel natural. Consider these questions:
- Does writing positively about yourself (without bragging) come naturally to you?
- Does pursuing strangers to convince them to go on a date you come naturally?
- Do blind dates feel natural?
If you can answer all those questions with a confident “Yes”, then it would make sense to me that online dating would come naturally to you. If, however, you’re like me and you answer “No” to those questions, then I have to ask: why would you think online dating would feel natural?
Online Dating Can Be Hard Work
I think at the heart of the issue is the fact that for most of us online dating is going to be hard work. I devote a fair portion of my dating guide trying to convince people to take the amount of effort that online dating will require seriously. Far too often I find myself talking to people who didn’t take the effort seriously and then turn around and see themselves as a failure when they’re not in a relationship after a few months.
That said, from my personal experience I can see that the hard work and frustration was worth it. Was it fun dating online for six months and only ending up with one or two first dates? Was it fun having women write me back to explain in great detail exactly why they would never date me? Was it fun to see women I thought I’d made a connection with simply disappear? Of course not. But in the end, the effort was still worth it.
Often success with online dating comes down to how persistent you are. The annoyances found in online dating can drive many singles away from it. So if you’re new to online dating or just feel like you’re failing because it’s not coming naturally, remember: online dating isn’t easy for most of us. If it did come easy, then a website like this wouldn’t even need to exist. Instead, it can be hard work…so cut yourself some slack and try to stay persistent. The reward is well worth all the headaches it requires.
Author: Brad
Brad initially struggled with online dating but over time became quite successful using it. He met his wife using online dating and has been giving advice and helping people improve their results since 2007. He has written a Free Online Dating Guide to help others find success with online dating. You can learn more about his personal experience using online dating and running this website here.
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