Embarrassed to Reveal You Met Online

Published on November 7, 2011

Have you found success with online dating but now you or your significant other is struggling to admit to others how you met? Believe it or not, my wife and I have actually been there as well.

At a company Christmas party several years ago we were in a group of at least 6 people (perhaps more, my memory fails me) and everyone was talking about how they met. When it came to my wife and I, we weren’t embarrassed: we simply stated that we met on Match.com.

Based on how the group reacted, you would have thought we said we enjoy sacrificing kittens on the weekends! Dead silence was all we got. After that point we jokingly talked about creating a fake story behind how we met, although we never went through with it.

My story highlights why some people are embarrassed to admit they met online and a reader wrote to me discussing exactly that:

My boyfriend and I met on an online dating site but he lies to his friends and family about how we met. I asked him why and he responded with its embarrassing and its none of their business that he was on an online dating site to meet people. We have been dating for 3 months and things seem to be going really well but I don’t know how to take this and I don’t understand why he doesn’t just tell the truth. I refused to lie about it and I told him I don’t want him lying about it but he doesn’t think it is a big deal. I feel like if he is going to lie about that, what else would he lie about? Am I thinking too much into this and overreacting?

Is it Okay if They Want to Lie?

So, my reader is basically saying: I don’t want to lie and I feel like him lying about this might mean he will lie about other things. I can see why she might feel this way but, at the same time, lots of people lie about this. There’s still a good deal of embarrassment about dating online for some people (her boyfriend being the current example).

That being said, I think it’s a pretty small issue to have compared to a lot of the emails I get. I’m not saying it’s a good issue to have, but things could definitely be worse! If you find yourself in this situation with the person you’re dating, in the short-term I would encourage you to be willing to work through the issue.

I definitely feel that at some point honesty should be achieved and you should be able to talk about how you really met. However, some people really, really care about what other people think and I wouldn’t encourage minimizing someone else’s emotions. I also don’t see this issue as some type of measure for how honest a person is. When people are embarrassed by something, they tend to be very quick to lie about it…even extremely honest people. With that in mind, I would use their response to something they see as embarrassing as an overall measure of their honesty.

So early on, I wouldn’t say you should try to force them to admit how you met. Apply some pressure? Sure, that’s fine. But if you go around telling everyone you met online just to prove to him/her that doing so is fine, you may just create resentment or damage the relationship.

That said, once things become more serious and it turns into a long-term relationship, I then feel that people have to come to terms with being honest to people on how you met! At this point, who cares what other people think? You’ve found someone great! Be willing to be honest about it! And not just for yourself: if you admit you found success online you can encourage others to do the same.

Really, in the long-term there are only two solutions:

1. Both people agree to lie about how they met for the rest of their lives
2. Honesty

My wife and I are honest about how we met and, yes, sometimes it still seems to make some people feel awkward. But over the years, that has been happening less and less often and now most often people are simply interested in how it works (especially singles!). Plus, we have each other: when someone is awkward about it we can just look at each other and laugh!

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