Appropriate Dinner Talk for First Dates

Published on August 15, 2011

First dates are a nerve-racking business. You’re about to spend several hours with someone you barely know. You’re uncomfortably aware that this will be your only shot at impressing them. You’re nervous. Your hands are probably shaking. And you’ve been so obsessed with the logistics of the evening – what to wear, getting there, turning up on time – that you haven’t even thought through what you’re actually going to talk about. There they are, they’re walking towards you, you summon up the perfunctory smile and extend a hand, but then… no words. You can’t think of anything to say.

Whether you’re meeting someone you’ve been dating at eHarmony UK or you’ve been set up on a blind date, here are a few pointers to avoid those mind blanks and awkward silences.

An introduction…

Always start with a smile – and make it a real one. Showing your teeth is a flirting tactic that goes way back, to the apes that impressed prospective partners by showing off the size of their incisors. Next a handshake and maybe even lean in for a kiss on the cheek if the opportunity presents itself. Exchange names if you haven’t met before, and if you have to wait for a table, you could discuss the journey as a suitable ice-breaker, bringing you neatly into talking about where you both live and where you grew up.

As you sit down…

When you reach the table, never offer to pull out the chair for your date. Some women can find this extremely offensive and sexist. But do make a show of getting the best seat in the house – ask for a table with a nice view or next to a picture you particularly like. This will show you really care about the whole ambience of the night and you are committed to getting it right.

Looking at the menu…

You can glean a lot of information from what someone orders at a restaurant. Listen carefully to their musings over the menu and try to draw your date into conversation about peculiar eating habits and annoying allergies. Never raise your eyebrows or scoff at someone with particular food beliefs. Just listen and laugh together about the eccentricities we all have with our food. In some ways this is quite a personal topic, with plenty of childhood anecdotes to throw in, so you’ll really be opening up to each other and properly breaking the ice.

During the meal…

So, we’ve covered address and food preferences. During the rest of the date try to always keep the conversation on the other person: their interests, their work and their ambitions. Be open and truthful with what you say too, but make sure to keep up a dialogue. People like to talk about themselves and be listened to attentively. Also, avoid talking about politics, religion and anything too personal, as this could lead you on to shaky ground.

The goodbye…

This is a particularly tricky part of the date. The best way to handle it is to always have something lined up afterwards so, if the night’s going really well, you can casually invite them along to what you’ve got planned. A house party or a gig could work well here – preferably something with a large group of people. And if it’s not going too well, you can just say a polite goodbye and leave. At the end of the night, whenever that may be, always arrange a specific day to see them again if you want to go on a second date.

Whether you’re dating Liverpool girls or Brighton guys, make sure you say the right thing on the first date. After all, this could be the start of a wonderful new relationship. You wouldn’t want to mess that up, would you?

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