Thoughts on Dating Confidence and Comfort

Published on June 10, 2011

When I first started this site, one of the things that bothered me most about the online dating advice I had been finding was that everything had the same answer: be more confident.

I found this advice very hard to take and I actually gave up on acting confident. I think occasionally I might have been successful at appearing confident but I was consistently successful as not portraying who I really was…the gains weren’t worth the sacrifice.

At any rate, I discussed this topic in one of my very first posts which I originally titled The Importance of Comfort but have since decided to rename Dating Confidence vs. Dating Comfort.

The point in this article is that I found great success with online dating (including finding my wife!) but never while I was pretending to be confident. Instead, I approached online dating and first dates as I would anything else I wanted to get good at: I practiced. The more dates I went on, the more comfortable I felt and before too long I was learning to love online dating instead of loathing it.

The last three months of my online dating experience was exciting and fun and never did this shy guy have to pretend to be something he wasn’t. Since it’s been years since I first wrote this article, I just wanted to point it out to any new readers as I still believe what I argued all those years ago. I’ve been giving advice several years now but I still prefer real comfort over fake confidence. I hope it’s helpful!

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