How Do I Improve the Number of Men Contacting Me?

Published on February 23, 2011

The traditional approach to dating, where men initiate much of the communication, can be a blessing and a curse. When the number of contacts being received is high, a woman has little need to search out the guys she wants to contact. However, when the contacts are low many women are presented with a significant problem (especially the women who prefer for men to initiate the communication).

Photo by TheAlieness GiselaGiardino

Now obviously I can’t give advice from the perspective of a woman who has managed to increase the number of contacts she is receiving. However, I can give some advice from a guys point of view on what would encourage me (or discourage me) to contact a woman.

Using the Right Photos

I’ve argued this time and time again here but having a great photo is one of the most important things you can do. That said, just because a photo is shot well doesn’t mean it sends the message you hope it does. You may have a very professionally taken photo that sends views a very incorrect message about who you are.

So first, be sure that you have some great photos. Second, services like MyBestFace are something you should take advantage of to ensure you’re selecting the best photos. In some ways, no photo can be better than a bad photo but neither of those options are what you should be striving for.

For good or for bad, men are very visually oriented and there are men who based 90% of their dating decisions off of that one part of your profile.

Improving Your Profile

I know there are men out there who are less inclined to actually read women’s dating profiles but this is not a universal truth. Plenty of men, especially the men looking to date for long-term reasons, pay attention to the profile. I’ve covered this in a few articles that I would recommend you review to ensure you’re building your profile in an intentional

• Creating Your Profile: Overview
• Creating Your Profile: Step-by-Step

Being Accepting

I discuss this in some of the articles I reference above but I want to discuss it again.

As a man, online dating can get discouraging. A man might only get a response for every 5 or 10 emails he sends and then may have even less success moving those responses to first dates. It’s easy as a guy to start looking at women’s profiles and deciding that taking the time to write an email would just be a waste of your time.

From my experience, one of the best ways a woman would discourage me from contacting her was to have a long list items that the men contacting her either cannot have or must have. Even if I fit her requirements, I still found this approach to be a big turn-off…as if I was only there to meet each and every one of her desires. That’s not what I’m looking for in a healthy relationship. Of course I want to make sure I’m a good match for what my date is looking for but there is a line that is crossed when it just becomes a long list like this.

So, from my point of view, acceptance in the way you create your profile is one way to improve contacts (even if that acceptance is created by excluding demands in your profile).

Being Willing to Start the Communication

Some women feel they shouldn’t be starting the communication process. Perhaps that was a rule to follow many years ago but today, and especially with online dating, there is no reason women can’t consider starting the communication process. I discuss this in some detail here.

If you’re not comfortable sending actual emails consider winking. One saying my dad always jokes around with is: “One of the most attractive attributes a woman can have is finding me attractive”. He always laughs when he said it but there is some truth to it…when a woman finds me attractive (even if I had never considered dating her) she suddenly is more attractive. Winking can have this affect and most winks I received when I was dating online came from women I had not considered contacting. Often in these cases I would find myself contacting them after that wink.

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As I pointed out, I’m not a woman and don’t have direct experience changing a profile to see more contact from men. I hope my observations help but if you are a woman who has had success improving your contacts I’d love to hear your thoughts and I’m sure other readers would appreciate it as well!

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