The Art of Flirtatious Conversation

Published on February 17, 2011

Photo by Fey IlyasThink you’re a smooth talker, but experience tells you your new dates don’t agree? While some of us may be natural conversationalists, first-time dating can be nerve-wracking, hampering our natural flow. Yet you can up your stakes in the flirting game by following some simple rules of conversation.

Easy Opening
Start off on the right foot and you’ll soon feel more at ease. Do yourself a favour: forget cheesy chat-up lines – whether you’re in London or in Glasgow dating, these won’t go down well. A simple, impersonal comment about your journey there, the place where you meet or even the weather will suffice. Body language speaks a thousand words, so smile and try to look relaxed!

Stay Positive
A brief moan about the weather or the lateness of buses may help break the ice, but negativity is generally a huge turn-off. Your date doesn’t want to hear about your tough day at work, so keep the tone light and avoid getting sucked into issues you feel genuinely negative about.

Strike the Right Tone
While you should avoid being too serious or ‘deep’ just yet, over-excitability can also be off-putting. Getting frequently sidetracked or spewing lively chatter might just be a sign of your nerves, but it could also send out the wrong message when dating someone for the first time. Try to read any signs of boredom or unease before you go too far! Of course, show your enthusiasm, but friendly eye contact and hand gestures are by far the best ways to express this.

Photo by o5com
Go Deeper…Make It Personal
Light topics don’t mean being banal. Your date is there to find out about you, not hear a list of facts you learned off QI! Research shows that revealing personal ‘nuggets’ develops confidence in the listener, often leading them to disclose something about themselves – a good way to keep conversation flowing. Self-preoccupation is not attractive, so do make sure you hear their side of the subject. Of course, if they aren’t forthcoming, ask them, but use an open question like ‘what do you think’ rather than ‘do you agree’.

Don’t be tedious
Aside from the topic you choose, the speed, tone and volume of your voice can really affect the listener. Avoid lengthy pauses between points and vary the ‘up and down’ of your voice if you don’t want your date to drop off.

Listen Effectively
When not speaking, the least intrusive way to show you are listening is a nod or two. Also, help encourage the speaker by paraphrasing them occasionally (‘It was a great film’ – ‘Oh you liked it?’) Also listen out for your turn to talk. Not following the pattern of turn-taking may come across as passivity, so jump in even if your date has a lot to say.

A Natural Ritual
The art of conversing is a purely human trait, evolved over millennia. You don’t have to be eloquent or well educated, but honing your skills in these basic conversational rituals will certainly go down well with the opposite sex. You may not find love instantly, but if it goes well, hopefully it’ll mean you have chance to practise some more… on another date!

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