Red Flags for First or Second Online Dating Emails
Published on February 8, 2011
Photo by designedbymatty
Online dating is designed to be a safe environment for meeting that “potential” person you are looking for. Yet oftentimes when dating online people forget to look for the “Red Flags”. There are always red flags that we should be looking for in the first or second email.
Too many people do not listen to the warning signs or their intuition. This often leads to hardship, hurt feelings, financial loss, or worse. There are many obvious red flags and some that are very subtle. The key is to be safe and watch for warning signs. Always remember that you truly do not know what a person may be like until you actually meet them.
Tries to Sell You Something
Many online dating services are free. This is a great opportunity for someone to sell their products for no cost. Obviously if a person tries to sell you something or gives you a web link to their site they are definitely not interested in you. If someone tries to sell you something then contact customer service immediately. Most dating services do not allow solicitation and the person is more than likely in breach of contract.
Winking or Blowing Kisses but Not Emailing
It is best to ignore those that send you winks or kisses without introducing themselves with an email. This person is most likely arrogant, lazy, or just doesnât care. If you receive a wink, kiss, hug, or smile without any communication then move on. These types are usually the whistlers and howlers that harass you on the street.
On slight occasions this type might be shy or intimidated by your beauty or handsome looks. If you decide to give them a chance, just remember that it could be a long, drawn out process in getting to know them via email.
Photo by *saxon*
Nudges
Some dating sites have what is called a nudge. This is comparable to a poke. Nudges can be like winks or kisses. But sometime they can be a mere way to get your attention to see if you are interested in possible correspondence. It is usually best to look at their profile first before you nudge them back or respond with an email. If you feel that they might be a potential then respond. On the other hand, if you respond and they send another nudge (trust me they do) then end all communication. Nudges can escalate to winks or kisses and still no email.
Asks for Money
There are many online “professional” thieves who are good at what they do. They use several tactics to get your money. They may say that their grandmother needs surgery, that they help children in Haiti, or that you are their soul mate. It is always a red flag when someone asks for money.
Says “I Love You” or “I Really Like You”
Saying I love you or really like you is a big red flag. Either the person is very insecure, extremely lonely, or a con. Do not be fooled by this dishonest flattery. True love takes time. Question the “I love you”. Why are they in such a hurry?
Yes, there can be such a thing as “Love at First Sight”, but there has been no “sight”. You have never met this person. Love at first sight is based on strong chemistry. One cannot feel a remote amount of chemistry via email.
Asks the Wrong Questions
Some people just look at your photo but never your profile. They state that they like your cooking abilities but in your profile you mention that you hate to cook. This person is defiantly not interested in who “You” are. If they cannot take the time to read about you they will not take the time to get to know you. There are ulterior motives here: very lonely, after sexual favors, loony, or just do not care.
Doesn’t Respect Your Profile
Your profile clearly states that you want to date someone between the ages of 30-40 and that they live within 150 miles from you. You receive an email from someone who is 50 years old, they live in Texas, and you live in Idaho. This person either did not read your profile or does not care for your wishes. It is best not to waste your time here.
Photo by Google Maps
Irregular in Their History
Watch for people who are not consistent with what they tell you. This includes inconsistencies with employment, education, children, age, or appearance. If their profile says they are from Idaho and their email says something different, then block this person. They are obviously dishonest. This person is concealing something. So it is a good idea to ask a lot of questions, to make certain that you are not being deceived.
To Many Personal Questions
He or she asks way too many personal questions like: When is your birthday? Where were you born? Where did you graduate from high school? What town do you live in? What is your address? These questions are a Big Red Flag. Delete quickly. More than likely this person is looking to steal your identity. Identity theft is very common on dating sites. It does take much information to create a new birth certificate or driver’s license in “Your” name.
The Form Letter
The form letter is sometimes hard to detect. It is a generic letter that is sent to numerous prospects. These letters contain general information and sometimes can be personalized with slight compliments, but nothing specific. If a person is truly interested in you then they will send a genuine email. Be cautious and attentive.
Your Questions are Never Directly Answered
Some questions can be very personal for someone. But if a person evades all of your questions then it is a definite red flag. They are either hiding something or they are paranoid. If they are truly sincere and refuse to answer any questions that you may have then conversation can become quite difficult. It is best to move on.
Rude or Disrespectful Comments
Degrading or rude comments are very disrespectful. Whether they are directed towards you, their friends, or their past relationships; it is a red flag. How this person treats others is a sure indicator of how they will treat you. If a person is disrespectful on the first few emails then you can imagine what this person is like once you get to know them.
The Complainer
It is a heads up when your first few emails are all about what they do not like, for example: I hate people who wear red, I do not like cheese, I only will listen to jazz music, I despise stupid comedies, and on and on. This person is high maintenance, can be selfish, and/or egotistical. They may need therapy if they continually complain about their past relationship.
Mentioning Sex or How Good a Lover They Are
This is not appropriate behavior. You do not tell a stranger about your sexuality or make sexual innuendos. Something is not right when a person tells you “a stranger”, how wonderful a lover they are.
They Travel for Work
Some people travel quite a bit with their work. Yet many times the “traveler” is living with another partner or is married. This is not a big red flag for they may actually work away from home; just be cautious.
Note: Although you will find a lot of honest people through online dating services, you can also find a few bad apples no matter what site you go to. Be cautious when there are red flags. Listen to your intuition, especially when they seem too good to be true. Take advantage of online dating security features. You can communicate without a phone or email, block a person if you need to, and remain anonymous to those that may pose a threat. Go at your own pace, screen your “possibilities”, and watch for the red flags.
Mary’s opinions do not always match mine…but that’s a good thing! The more opinions the better. If you would be interested in contributing an article or an idea for an article, please feel free to contact me.
Author: Mary
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