The 10-Day Online Dating Challenge
Published on June 14, 2010
Photo by ground.zero
According to a new Match.com commercial I’ve been seeing lately, 1 in 5 relationships are now started through online dating services. Still, even with that fact, there are a large number of singles who believe that online dating does not work, or at least not for them. With that in mind, I wanted to post a challenge to all of the doubters. I really believe that people who feel that online dating doesn’t work fall into one of three categories:
1. The people who have never tried online dating
2. The people who have tried online dating but have taken the wrong approach
3. The people who are really not made for online dating
It is my opinion that the people who fall into the third category are few and far between but that many people who fall into the first two categories actually believe they are in the third.
I believe the following challenge can reveal if online dating can work in general and also if you are someone who could benefit from using it. Most people will NOT be able to complete this challenge, mostly because of the communication requirements. Still, if you can make it through these 10 brief days and actually follow the rules I believe you will see the value in dating online. This challenge is not meant to ensure you meet that special someone in 10 days (although that can happen – I was the first person my wife met dating online). Instead, the challenge is meant to show that with the right outlook, online dating can be fun even lacking monumental success.
The 10-Day Online Dating Challenge
Day 1: Start Out the Right Way
- Read my online dating guide or if you are already familiar with online dating at least review the 30-point online dating checklist.
- Sign up for a free dating account at OKCupid.
- Create your online dating profile, including at least one photo of yourself. If this is your first time creating a dating profile or if you want suggestions on what it should look like, you can read my article on the subject: Your Online Dating Profile and Step-by-Step Online Dating Profile Creation Guide.
- Agree with yourself to not be overly picky and be aware that in the beginning it is just a date! You don’t need to marry the people you contact. You’re just looking for dates at this point. Don’t make it something bigger than it is.
Day 2: Let the Communication Process Begin
- Guys: Email 3 people. If you are not sure what you should include, see this article on making first contact. Do not use winks.
- Ladies: Either respond to 3 people that have contacted you or contact 3 people or a combination of the two. Contact includes either emails or winks.
Day 3: Keep Contacting
- Again, contact (or respond to) 3 people. You may not be having any conversations at this point but that’s okay. Responses are not guaranteed when sending dating emails and for many of us getting one response is a good day.
Day 4: Time to Include a Second Service
- Now that you are hopefully getting accustomed to the online dating process, sign up for the Match.com 7-day trial. While I think OKCupid is a great dating service (and my favorite of all the free ones) the pay services have a higher concentration of people who take online dating seriously. This fact is why free dating services haven’t run pay dating services out of business: free services just have too many people who aren’t taking things seriously.
- Create your Match.com profile
- Send 3 emails at Match.com
- Continue to send emails at OKCupid as much as you wish to. Remember, right now the point isn’t to find the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with. For that matter, right now it isn’t even to find someone you are going to date repeatedly. The only goal at this point is to go on dates with people you feel you could spend time with happily.
Days 5 through 10: Contact, Contact, Contact
- Continue emailing as you have been with at least 3 emails going out a day.
- Guys, ask anyone you have been communicating with for 3 days or 5 emails, whichever comes first, out on a date. Ladies, you can ask as well although you can also try hinting that you want to meet (although we guys can be notoriously dense when it comes to recognizing these signals).
- In the case where you are having great success communicating with others, I would recommend only scheduling 3 first dates in any one week. If you think you can handle more than that, go for it but just remember if you confuse one date with another you may ruin your chances. If you feel you are getting more dates than you might be able to handle but still want to meet those people, schedule them out over a few weeks. Explain that you are busy but are very interested in meeting them.
- If at any point you are talking to enough other singles that you begin to become confused on who is who, slow down your emailing and just stick with communicating with the people you are currently talking to.
- By day 10 you should have made an attempt to communicate with close to 30 people. If you haven’t, well then you really haven’t followed the challenge
Photo by Izzard
It is my opinion that while these steps may not lead you to finding that perfect person, they can reveal that online dating can be fun and it can lead to success. A big part of this challenge is to not take things too seriously. When you look at every person under the microscope of “Are they my next long-term relationship?”, you can quickly drain the life out of your dating. Too many people turn online dating into a job that they hate instead of a night out with someone new. If you can learn to have fun while dating online, it is all downhill from there.
Just remember: you need to follow the rules. If you only contact 5 people in 10 days or if you never ask anyone out on a date, you’re hardly experiencing what online dating has to offer.
Update: I didn’t realize this when I first wrote this article but you have to provide a credit card to take advantage of the Match.com free trial. I believe this is to prevent people from using the free trial period multiple times. If you only want to take advantage of your free time using the service, be sure to cancel before the end of your seventh day. I still believe that this challenge is worth taking if you are on the fence about online dating but it does require this additional step. If you do not cancel, they are automatically going to start billing you as a subscriber.
Author: Brad
Brad initially struggled with online dating but over time became quite successful using it. He met his wife using online dating and has been giving advice and helping people improve their results since 2007. He has written a Free Online Dating Guide to help others find success with online dating. You can learn more about his personal experience using online dating and running this website here.
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