Remembering to Share the Conversation
Published on January 20, 2010
In my last post, I discussed ways to break your way into the conversation even if your date doesn’t ask you any questions. Today, I wanted to discuss this same issue but from the other side: remembering to share the conversation.
Sometimes people are simply too excited on a date and the result is that they talk about themselves the entire night. Another thing that happens with online dating is some people, particularly men, will research ways to keep the conversation going on a first date. This is a good idea but at times these people will end up concentrating so much on asking questions that they inadvertently encourage their dates to talk non-stop about themselves.
Keep in mind that how interested your date is in you is only half of the issue. You need to be learning about your date to see if you want to continue the relationship…and answering questions they ask isn’t going to reveal very much about them to you. No matter how interested they seem and no matter how quickly they shoot questions at you, you need to make sure you’re getting in some of your own. The easiest way to do this is to simply ask them the same questions they are asking you. Alternately, ask the questions you want answered. Your date’s desire to have questions answered isn’t any more important than your desire for the same.
If you suddenly realize that your date seems quiet or that you’ve been doing most of the talking, don’t say something like “You seem quiet”. That might only frustrate them. When you recognize this problem just solve it with some questions of your own. If you realize that you’ve held a monopoly on the discussion at the end of the date, I would suggest apologizing and suggesting a second date. Something like “Wow…I just realized I did all of the talking tonight! I guess I was excited to finally be on a good first date. We should go out again and I promise to let you talk next time!”. Say this with a smile and I bet all will be forgiven.
The best first date conversations are two-way streets, often with both people interrupting and talking over one another. If any one person rules the conversation the date isn’t going to end as well as it could.
Author: Brad
Brad initially struggled with online dating but over time became quite successful using it. He met his wife using online dating and has been giving advice and helping people improve their results since 2007. He has written a Free Online Dating Guide to help others find success with online dating. You can learn more about his personal experience using online dating and running this website here.
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