Learning to Love Online Dating
Published on January 13, 2010
Many people I speak with about dating have what I consider to be the standard outlook in regards to online dating: that it is a necessary evil. This approach is one that says online dating is something that must be done. A means to an end and nothing more. I started dating with this mentality and I think this approach is what adds so much frustration to the process.
This approach says that every date is either a failure or success. It says that a wonderful evening meeting someone new is still considered a failure if one of you decided you don’t want to pursue the relationship. It turns dating into a job and leads many people to view their own dating lives with varying degrees of misery.
It doesn’t have to be this way. I’m very familiar with this approach since it was mine when I started dating online. However, I was able to change my approach as I will describe below. This had an amazing affect on my dating life, to the point that when I stopped dating online there was some regret to be done with it. I hope that doesn’t sound bad because I was thrilled to meet the woman who would eventually become my wife and there was without a doubt a part of me that was happy to be done with all the troubles of online dating (especially the rejection). However, I had finally found a way to enjoy dating online. I was really having fun and part of me was going to miss the adventure of dating online.
How to Enjoy Online Dating More
- Don’t look at every date as an opportunity to succeed or fail. Instead, take the approach of seeing the date as an opportunity to meet someone new. View the date as a date and nothing more. Many people have turned to online dating as a “last resort” to find that perfect relationship. This thought pattern does more harm than good. When I was dating as if every date was either failure or success, I would be depressed after a perfectly nice evening spent with a new woman. When I start looking at online dating as an adventure, something that was adding variety to my otherwise mundane life, those same bad dates turned into funny stories and just another day in the ever unpredictable world of online dating.
- Try to have a positive outlook. I’m someone who has been down the road that is online dating so I think it’s fair for me to say this (even though it’s horribly cliche). Don’t look at a failed date as if all is lost. Instead, look at as a new funny story (if it was particularly bad) or just a learning experience.
- Allow yourself to enjoy online dating. Don’t convince yourself that dating using the internet is some dirty secret that you must be ashamed of. Your value as a person should not be found in where you are meeting your dates. And even if it was, why do people meeting at bars then get a free pass?
- Don’t see the people you meet as a means to an end. Be willing to truly communicate and learn about them even when you know there won’t be a second date.
- Date actively! This is perhaps the most important advice I can give. If you date rarely, every single date will be a major event for you. Most online dates don’t end in the creation of a healthy new relationship. If this is true that mean if you date rarely, most of these major events are going to end as a letdown and when you only have a single date to look forward to when it fail it hurts…bad. I make my argument for dating actively in my dating guide.
- Be aware that online dating addiction finds its roots in the fact that online dating can be fun. People learn to love the adventure of online dating and refuse to give that up even when they’ve found the love of another person…the thing they were looking for all along.
It is my personal belief that an absence of enjoyment with online dating is preventing success for many people. It leads many people to abandon dating online before they’ve really given it a chance and causes others to soldier on in sullen misery. A big part of finding that one success is the ability to deal effectively with all the failures. If you don’t believe me, test it out. On your next date, look at it as something you can enjoy and see how you feel after it’s over. If your experience is like mine you’ll never look back.
Author: Brad
Brad initially struggled with online dating but over time became quite successful using it. He met his wife using online dating and has been giving advice and helping people improve their results since 2007. He has written a Free Online Dating Guide to help others find success with online dating. You can learn more about his personal experience using online dating and running this website here.
Posted in:
New to Online Dating?
