Online Dating: Hit on by Someone from Work

Published on December 26, 2009

What do you do if you create an online dating profile and someone you know ends up asking you out? This can be an awkward situation, especially if you’re not interested. For example, if you work together, you’ll likely want to avoid making life awkward for yourself with outright rejection or by ignoring them. How do let them down easily without creating a difficult situation?

The easiest way out would be to claim that you’re afraid that the dating someone from work would be awkward. This, it turns out, is a true statement. This answer could still lead to some awkwardness in the office so it would be best to not leave your answer as a simple “no”. I would recommend that you:

• Make it clear you are not interested in dating someone from work. You’ll have to accept the risk that someone you do like from work might ask you out. If that happens, well, you have a whole new set of problems on your hands.
• Try to avoid telling they’re nice or attractive or whatever. Even if you feel that way. If you’re selling the idea that you’re not dating each other because you work together, their “nice” qualities shouldn’t matter. Plus, as a guy I can tell you we hate hearing that and I have my suspicions that it’s the same for the ladies
• It might go better if you suggest that if you are ever not working together that you would be willing to go out. This idea might make you cringe but if you want to let them down easy it’s probably the best way to go. At this point, you’re not rejecting them but the situation. Plus, if one of you does leave the company, one bad date at that point won’t result in years of discomfort at the office. Yes, you might have to follow through with your promise but then again maybe not: maybe you’ll both continue to work together or perhaps you’ll even find that special someone online!

Here’s an example email a woman could write in this situation:

Hi John – I’m so surprised you would want to go out. I never picked up that you might be interested at work. Unfortunately, I don’t want to get in a relationship with someone from work. I hope you can understand and if at some point we’re no longer working together I’d be happy to go out.

There’s no easy way out of this situation but if I asked someone out from work and this were their answer, I wouldn’t feel nearly so bad about the rejection. Plus, while following through with an actual date in the future may be difficult, this response is entirely honest. I know, it doesn’t seem that way but if you read it again you’ll see that it is an honest response. The “someone” she doesn’t want to date in this case is him! I suppose the word happy should be replaced with willing to make it even more honest but overall I think this is the best type of response.

Basically, I would trade the promise of one bad date (that may never come) over the years of awkward moments that might occur if you let them down the wrong way.

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Author: Brad

Brad initially struggled with online dating but over time became quite successful using it. He met his wife using online dating and has been giving advice and helping people improve their results since 2007. He has written a Free Online Dating Guide to help others find success with online dating. You can learn more about his personal experience using online dating and running this website here.

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