Book Review: The Five Love Languages
Published on November 22, 2009
I approach “self-help” books with a great deal of skepticism. Half the time, these books seem do little more than point out the obvious. Other times they seem to reveal so much but when the advice is applied to the real-world, we have a rude awakening realizing that the “great” advice isn’t easy to apply or simply doesn’t work. The Five Love Languages however, is an exception to these norms and the advice it provides was life changing for me personally.
As the title implies, the book reveals that there are five very different ways that people can feel and show love: Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Much of the point that the book makes is that we all have a primary way of feeling love (our language) and we are inclined to show love in the language we know best. This simple concept, revealed though many real stories, shows that many times the way we show love isn’t perceived as love at all. It also opened my eyes open to the fact that many people in my life had been showing me love in a language other than my own…and I wasn’t even recognizing these interactions as love at all!
Recognizing the points this book laid out did change my life. Wondering what someone’s love language might be has become a common occurrence in my mind. This approach provided me with the ability to better love family members and, at the time of my reading this book, my girlfriend (now my wife). Recognizing that your friends and family feel love differently empowers you to show them in the way they will understand it. It is amazing to think that for decades that I could feel profound love for a family member only to have them recognize it fully after I had read a book! The facts that the book laid out changed the way I approach my relationships for the better: improving communication in both recognizing love being shown to me and allowing me to show it better to my friends and family. Even at work, recognizing the importance of showing affirmation to a co-worker has improved relationships. While it may not be love, it is a relationship improved by the concepts provide in The Five Love Languages.
But How Does This Relate To Singles Dating Online?
It might seem that someone still dating, online or otherwise, might be getting the cart before the horse by reading this book. Nothing could be further from the truth. This book properly prepares the reader to love the people in their lives. Not only can personal relationships be improved (or repaired in extreme cases), future relationships will benefit from the knowledge this book provides. I suspect there are many relationships that fail within the first few months that could have been saved had the knowledge of love languages been known. Many of us have that relationship that hasn’t worked out for no real reason at all…but there may be a real reason: we may have been talking different languages to each other in the relationship.
The book also does a good job of reminding everyone that the wonderful feeling of love in a new relationship is just that: a feeling. Love takes work and commitment and the “magic” part of love only lasts for a time.
The Five Love Languages is a great book. The advice is easy to understand and apply to your own life. There are many stories throughout the book showing exactly how life-changing understanding love languages can be. Whether it’s a new dating relationship or a family relationship that needs strengthening, my experience is that The Five Love Languages helps in ways most other self-help books couldn’t even dream to achieve.
Score: 5/5
Review by Brad Miller, November 2009
Author: Brad
Brad initially struggled with online dating but over time became quite successful using it. He met his wife using online dating and has been giving advice and helping people improve their results since 2007. He has written a Free Online Dating Guide to help others find success with online dating. You can learn more about his personal experience using online dating and running this website here.
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